新東方春季班熱報中：點擊查看詳情>>

Billy Ward是美國新澤西一位有著13年實踐經驗的執業心理咨詢師，畢業于喬治敦大學的心理學專業。他曾經在橄欖球隊打了四年的四分衛，畢業后在一所男子預科學校當神學老師。他的個人哲學就是愛與被愛。在下面這篇題為“To Love and Be Loved”的演講中，他分享了自己和摯友Daniel之間的故事，并告訴我們，每一個人都值得愛和被愛，都應該努力去不加任何條件地尋找愛和光芒，一旦我們開始這樣做了，我們將為自己的生活帶來全新的意義。

Here is the deal: Life is really all about love. I'm not just saying that because I'm a father of a newborn baby; I'm saying that because as a teacher and as a therapist I've seen people basically choose between two things: love or something else. And what I've witnessed and experienced is this: When people choose love, they always choose right.

事情是這樣的：生活真的全都是關乎愛的。我這么說并不僅僅因為我是一個新生兒的父親，我這么說是因為作為一名教師和一位治療師，我看到人們基本上就是在兩件事中做選擇：愛，或者其他的東西。并且我所目睹和經歷的是：當人們選擇愛時，他們的選擇總是正確的。

I was asked to speak today on the topic of illumination, and it made me think about the way the light inside us all can shine. And my favorite way is through our love which can illuminate in our relationships.

今天我應邀就“點亮光芒”這個話題演講，這讓我思考我們內心的光芒是如何都能閃耀的。而我最喜歡的方式是通過我們的愛，它可以照亮我們的關系。

The most important relationship that we'll ever have, is the relationship that we have with ourselves. And next comes the relationships that we share with one another.

我們擁有的最重要的關系就是我們同自己的關系。然后才是我們與其他人之間的關系。

As simply as I can put it, we are here on this very Earth, to love and to be loved—and love is light. In a second, what I'd like to do with you today, is a brief, relaxing, guided-imagery exercise, where I'm going to have you close your eyes and consider three expressions of light that can return us to love. I'm going to have you close your eyes and consider three items, and then associate each item with a person in your life.

簡單地說，我們在這個地球上，去愛和被愛——而愛就是光。接下來，今天我想跟大家做的是一個簡短的，放松的，引導想象的練習。我需要大家閉上眼睛，思考三種能帶給我們愛的光的表現方式。我將讓你們閉上眼睛，思考三種東西，然后把每件東西和你生命中的一個人額聯系起來。

So, let's get ready. Can I ask you to put your feet flat on the floor, palms facing up in your lap, and when you're ready, gently allow your upper eyelids to meet your lower eyelashes. Close your eyes and let's everyone take a deep breath. Relax your shoulders.

那么，讓我們準備開始吧。可以請你們把腳都平放在地上，掌心朝上放在膝蓋上嗎？當你準備好，輕輕地讓你的上下眼瞼相碰，閉上你的眼睛，然后每個人都做個深呼吸，放松你的肩膀。

The first item I'd like you to picture is the sun. Picture the sun in the big, blue sky, feel the warmth of her rays, and consider how the sun continues to show up every day, sharing its light and energy unconditionally, even on a cold February morning. Is there somebody in your life that reminds you of the sun? Somebody that loves you unconditionally? Picture that person now and feel their love.

我想讓你們想象的第一個東西是太陽。想象太陽在廣闊的、藍色的天空中，感受陽光的溫暖，想想太陽每天是如何持續出現，無條件地分享它的光芒和能量，即使是在寒冷二月的清晨。在你的生命中，有沒有人能讓你想到太陽？有人無條件地愛你嗎？現在想象那個人，感受他們的愛。

The next item I'd like you to picture is a lighthouse. See the light emanating from the top of the structure at the ocean's edge where the sea meets the land, and remember its primary purpose: To help guide sailors and boaters home. Is there somebody in your life that helps guide you home? To your authentic self? To the truth of who you are? To the person that you're meant to be? To the path that you're meant to be on? Picture that person now and consider the direction that they're encouraging you to head in.

下一件我想讓你們想象的事物是一座燈塔。想象光從這個建筑物的頂部放射出來，在大海的邊緣，在海與陸地交界的地方，記住它的主要目的：幫助引導水手和船夫回家。在你的生命中，有沒有人能幫忙指引你回家的路？回到你真實的自我？回到真正的你？回到你應該成為的那個人？回到你本該走的路？現在想象那個人，想想他們鼓勵你朝哪個方向前行。

The last item I'd like you to picture is a disco ball. See the light bouncing off of it, think of the energy in the room where you might find this unique object, maybe you hear your favorite song playing. Is there somebody in your life that reminds you of a disco ball? Somebody that shows up with the fun, loving energy wherever they are, wherever they go? Picture that person now and consider how they are encouraging you to live and love.

我想讓你們想象的最后一件東西是一顆迪斯科燈球。看到它反射出的光芒了吧，想象一個充滿活力的房間，在那里你可能會發現這個獨特的物體，也許你聽到了你最喜歡的歌曲在播放。在你的生命中，有沒有人能讓你想起一顆迪斯科燈球？一個無論身處何地、去向何處，都能帶來歡樂和愛的能量的人？現在想象那個人，想想他們是如何鼓勵你去生活和愛的。

Gently float open your eyes.

慢慢睜開你們的眼睛。

Today I'd like to share a story with you about a student of mine. His name was Daniel. I met Daniel the very first year I was a classroom teacher. I had no experience as a theology teacher in an all-boys prep school, and somehow this little guy, this 103-pound wrestler, he became more of a teacher to me than a student, because he showed me and everybody in the school building how to shine their love and their light by being an example of how it's done.

今天我想和大家分享一個故事，關于我的一個學生。他叫Daniel。我是在我當老師的第一年認識Daniel的。在那之前我沒有在男子預科學校做神學老師的經驗，然而這個家伙，這個103磅的摔跤手，對我來說更像是一位老師，而非學生，因為他向我和學校里的每一個人展示了如何釋放愛和光芒，他就是那樣示范的。

You see, the same year that I met this little guy was the same year that I was cut from the NFL. Felt like a little bit of my light had been taken from me when the Baltimore Ravens told me I can no longer be their quarterback. I had trained with them all summer, I felt like a kid in Disney, I was playing and competing with some of my childhood heroes in stadiums that I had only visited as a fan.

你知道嗎，我遇見這個小家伙的那一年，正是我離開全國橄欖球聯盟（簡稱“NFL”的那一年。）當巴爾的摩烏鴉隊告訴我我不能再做他們的四分衛時，我感覺就像是自己的光芒被奪走了一點點。整個夏天我都和他們一起訓練，我覺得自己就像是進了迪士尼的孩子，我和一些兒時的偶像一起打球、比賽，在那些我只有作為球迷才去過的體育館里。

Playing in the NFL was an incredible experience, but at the end of the summer, a week before our first game, on the last day of cuts, I was released. And I had to return home to New Jersey to figure out a new career. I had graduated from Georgetown University with the degree in psychology, so I guessed I could teach that, but I was hired at an all-boys prep school to coach football and teach theology. It was kind of like a life course for the incoming freshmen. Gave me the opportunity to teach the guys the importance of being kind, caring and thoughtful. It really healed my broken heart.

在NFL打球是一段不可思議的經歷，但在那個夏天結束的時候，在我們首場比賽的前一周，在減員的最后一天，我被放棄了。我不得不回到新澤西的家，開始新的職業生涯。我畢業于喬治敦大學，有一個心理學學位，所以我覺得我可以教這個，但我卻被一所男子預科學校雇傭，教橄欖球和神學。這差不多就是給新生的一堂人生課程。讓我有機會教導孩子們善良、關心和體貼的重要性。這真的治愈了我受傷的心靈。

I loved teaching as much as I loved playing football. And that's where I met Daniel. He came into my classroom like a little disco ball. He had an energy and a light about him that everybody wanted to be around. Daniel connected with everybody in the school. I used to love watching him walk the hallways. His smile was reflected back to him in every corner. Athletes, band guys, cool guys, smart guys, teachers and coaches, all felt the love of this pint-sized, 103-pound wrestler.

我喜歡教書，就像我喜歡橄欖球一樣。就在那里我遇見了Daniel。他像一顆小迪斯科燈球一樣走進了我的教室。他身上有一種能量和光芒，讓每個人都想在他身邊。Daniel和學校里的每個人關系都很好。我以前很喜歡看他在走廊里走過。他的微笑從每個角落反射回到他身上。運動員、樂隊成員、酷酷的家伙、聰明的家伙、老師和教練，所有人都能感受到這個103磅的迷你摔跤手的愛。

People loved Daniel because he was free. He was free to be himself, and most of us know how difficult that can be. I remember when Daniel found out it was my birthday during his freshman year. He took it upon himself to create a homemade birthday card for me. He even taped a Starburst candy and a pack of Wrigley's gum to the inside. He presented it to me in front of the class. Daniel was redefining cool, and he made it cool to be thoughtful, caring and kind, and his classmates loved him for it.

人們喜歡Daniel是因為他很自由。他自由地做他自己。我們大多數人都知道這有多困難。我記得Daniel在他大一的時候有一天發現是我的生日。他自己動手為我做了一張生日卡片。他甚至在里面貼了一顆星爆糖和一包箭牌口香糖。他在全班同學面前把它送給了我。Daniel重新定義了酷，他讓體貼、關心和善良變得很酷。他的同學們也因此而喜歡他。

It was in this way that our brotherly bond began. And it was during his sophomore year that Daniel started to campaign for me to date his older cousin Lia, so that we could officially be family. He even brought her to a wrestling match one weekend. I was only there with about one other person, and Daniel had about 15 relatives cheering him on that night. It was a beautiful night.

我們的兄弟情誼就是這樣開始的。在Daniel大二那年，他開始爭取讓我和他的表姐Lia約會，這樣我們就可以正式成為一家人了。有一個周末，他甚至帶她去看了一場摔跤比賽。我和另外一個人在那兒。那天晚上Daniel大概有15位家屬在為他歡呼。那是一個美好的夜晚。

And then Daniel came into school the following Monday, and he was mad. He said, "Mr. Ward, you brought your girlfriend to my wrestling match, when I brought my cousin to introduce you?" I said, "Wow, Daniel, hold on a second! That girl happens to be my younger sister, and second of all, I didn't know you were trying to play matchmaker that night."

接下來的星期一，Daniel來到學校，他很生氣。他說：“Ward先生，我帶我的表姐來介紹給你，你卻帶你的女朋友來看我的比賽？”我說：“噢，等一下，Daniel！那個女孩是我的妹妹。其次，我根本不知道你那天晚上是打算當媒人！”

It felt like a real compliment to my teachings. My message of love and be loved was really making an impact. For years, I've been practicing shouting commands for the NFL football field, but I had been practicing another message all along. I was never the type of football player that was overly aggressive or tough. I never yelled at my teammates, and I never yell at my students in the classroom.

這感覺就像是對我的教學的真正的稱贊。我的愛和被愛的信息真的產生了影響。許多年來，我一直在練習在NFL球場上喊口令，但我也一直在練習另一種信息。我從來不是那種極具攻擊性或者很強硬的球員。我從不對我的隊友大喊大叫，我也從不在教室里對我的學生大喊大叫。

Some people say this may make people walk all over you, but I believe otherwise. An older teacher once told me, when I first began teaching, that I shouldn't smile in the classroom until after a few months have gone by. I guess the theory is that the students would think I was tough, but I love to smile, and I have a different theory.

有人說這會讓別人欺負你的，但我不這么認為。我剛開始教書的時候，一位年長的教師曾經告訴過我，在過去的幾個月里，我都不應該在教室里笑。我想這個理論是學生們會認為我很嚴厲。但我喜歡笑，我有一番不同的理論。

I believe that the toughest guy in the room is not the football guy; it's the loving guy. It's the most manly thing that can ever be accomplished. It's not that difficult to do, but it requires great thought and courage. I loved football because I thought it was one of the finest team sports. When we're on the field, playing together, relating as teammates, defending each other, protecting each other, doing a little dance in the end zone to celebrate the points we score—Football was really about relationships. And so is love.

我認為一個屋子里最厲害的家伙不是那個打球的家伙，而是那個有愛心的人。愛是我們能做到的最具男子氣概的事。它沒有那么難，但它需要很多思考和勇氣。我喜歡橄欖球是因為我覺得它是最好的團隊運動之一。當我們在球場上一起比賽，作為彼此的隊友，互相防衛，互相保護，在球門區跳舞慶祝得分時，橄欖球真的是相互聯系的運動。而愛也是如此。

Love is a team sport. A team that we are all a part of. And on this team, Daniel is an all-star. But Daniel never had the glory of an end zone dance, or even a dance at his junior prom. And that's because his life extinguished way too early.

愛是一項團隊運動。我們都是這個團隊的一部分。在這支隊伍里，Daniel是全明星。但是Daniel沒有和我們一起經歷在球門區跳舞的光輝時刻，甚至沒有參加他的畢業舞會。因為他的生命太早就逝去了。

One night, during Daniel's junior year, in February, he was rolling up the mats with his wrestling buddies, and he collapsed in pain. Daniel suffered an aortic aneurysm, and he died early the next morning in hospital. It was tragic. The date was February 7, 2002. Exactly 12 years ago today. I don't think it's any coincidence that I'm here today with the opportunity to share Daniel's story with you.

二月，Daniel大三的一個晚上，他正在和他的摔跤隊友們一起把墊子卷起來，然后他突然疼得摔倒在地上。Daniel得了主動脈瘤，第二天清晨他在醫院里去世了。那是一場悲劇。那一天是2002年2月7日，正是12年前的今天。我認為，今天能有幸站在這里和大家分享Daniel的故事不是巧合。

Daniel is my lighthouse. When the water is dark and dangerous, the lighthouse can provide a warm and inviting light, almost as if to say, this way home. Daniel brought me home literally by bringing me to his home. The night after he died, I visited his family, along with the number of other teachers from our school. We were all greeted by Daniel's cousin Lia, who thanked us for being there during such a devastating time.

Daniel是我的燈塔。當海水黑暗而危險時，燈塔會發出溫暖、誘人的光芒，仿佛在說：“這是回家的路。”Daniel真的把我帶回家了。他去世后的那個晚上，我和學校的其他老師一起去看望了他的家人。我們都受到了Daniel的表姐Lia的接待，她感謝我們在這樣一個災難的時刻陪伴他們。

I introduced myself as Daniel's theology teacher, and she replied, "Oh, you're the one that Daniel wanted me to marry!"

我介紹自己是Daniel的神學老師，然后她回答說：“哦，你就是Daniel想讓我嫁的那個人！”

It was kind of like a light went on. I ended up sitting with Lia and her mom, sharing stories of Daniel and looking at pictures. It was a really difficult time for us both, but it was hard for me not to notice that Lia had the same passion and energy for life that I saw on Daniel. I wish he could have seen us meet.

就好像有一盞燈亮了。最后我和Lia還有她的媽媽坐在一起，看著照片，分享Daniel的故事。那段時間對我們來說都很艱難，但我很難不注意到，Lia對生活有著我在Daniel身上看到過的同樣的熱情和能量。我真希望他能看到我們見面。

Riding home that night, I quietly recalled my last moment with Daniel. He was visiting my class. And like many times before, Daniel would just stroll right in. And because I was sitting behind the desk, he came over to me, and we're about the same height, and our shoulders bumped into each other as we talked.

那天晚上回家的路上，我靜靜地回憶起和Daniel在一起的最后的時刻。他來到我的班里。像之前的很多次一樣，Daniel會閑逛著走進來。因為我正坐在桌子后面，他向我走過來，我們差不多一樣高，我們說話的時候肩膀撞在一起。

I introduced him to the class as the 103-pound wrestler who was having a great season, and the younger guys just looked at him in awe. I mean here was this guy, smaller than most of them, but he carried so much weight and loving energy. And on his way out of the classroom that morning, Daniel turned over his shoulder in his cool little way and said, "See you around, Mr. Ward."

我把他介紹給班里的同學，說他是一個103磅的摔跤手，那個賽季他表現得很好，那些年輕的學生就那樣敬畏地看著他。我想說，這樣一個家伙，比他們中大多數人的個頭都要小，但他卻有著這樣的重量和如此多愛的能量。那天早上在他走出教室的路上，Daniel轉過身來，用他那酷酷的方式說：“回見，Ward先生。”

Daniel died early the next morning. Couple of weeks later, I thought I saw Daniel at school. The student was sitting with their back to me, and it looked like Daniel. And for a moment I believed that it was him. But soon the student stood, and it obviously wasn't Daniel. But to me the message was clear. The same love and light that I witnessed and experienced in Daniel, could be found in everyone and everything.

Daniel在第二天一早離世。幾周后，我以為我在學校看到了Daniel。那個學生背對著我坐著，看起來很像Daniel。一瞬間我還以為真的是他。但很快那個學生站了起來，顯然他不是Daniel。但我已經知道，我曾在Daniel身上見證和經歷過的同樣的愛和光芒，可以在每個人、每件事中找到。

So I began to look for Daniel, to look for love in everyone and everything, and at the crucial point in my life, even in myself. Daniel was right when he said, "See you around." Because the same love in him is within us all. Just as I tell my students back at school, there is so much goodness in you, and you are all, each and everyone of you, worthy of love and belonging, just as you are, imperfectly perfect. And once you begin open yourself to love, you will learn to see it everywhere, creating a peace, a freedom and a truth that will shift your overall, entire experience.

于是我開始尋找Daniel，在每個人、每件事、在我生命的關鍵時刻，甚至在我自己身上尋找愛。Daniel說的“回見”是對的。因為他那樣的愛存在于我們每個人身上。就像我回到學校告訴我的學生的那樣，你們是如此善良，你們所有人，每一個人，都值得被愛和歸屬，正如你們都是不完美的完美。一旦你開始敞開心扉去愛，你會發現愛無處不在，創造著能徹底改變你和你全部體驗的和平、自由和真理。

Think about it. If I stand right here and I shift just a little bit, my view changes entirely. The same is true for love. If we can begin to make an effort to love and to be loved without any conditions, we will bring a whole new level of meaning to our relationships and to our experience.

想一想，如果我站在這里，稍微移動一下，我的視野就會完全改變。愛也同樣如此。如果我們可以開始努力，不加任何條件地去愛和被愛，我們將為我們的關系和經歷帶來全新的意義。

I'm going to ask you to close your eyes one more time. Picture the sun. Author Anthony de Mello writes: "Has the Sun ever said to the Earth: you owe me. Look what happens to a love like that. It lights up the whole sky." Is there somebody in your life that can use a little unconditional love? Picture that person now.

我要請你們再一次閉上眼睛。想象太陽。作家安東尼·德·梅洛寫道：“太陽是否曾對地球說過‘你虧欠我’？看看這樣的愛帶來了什么。他照亮了整個天空。”你的生命中有沒有人可以用到一點無條件的愛。現在想象那個人。

Remember the lighthouse. Remember its primary purpose: To help guide sailors and boaters home. Is there somebody in your life that can use a little guidance, a little direction? Picture that person now.

想一想燈塔，記得它最主要的目的：幫助引導水手和船夫回家。在你的生命中有沒有人能用到一點指引，需要一點方向？現在想象那個人。

And, lastly, picture the disco ball. Daniel was free to be himself because he loved himself unconditionally. We could all reflect a little bit of love back home, so that we can dance like nobody is watching. Is there something in your life that you've been waiting to do?

最后，想象那顆迪斯科燈球。Daniel自由地做自己是因為他無條件地愛自己。我們都可以回想起一點愛，這樣我們也可以旁若無人地舞蹈。在你的生命中有沒有你一直在等待去做的事？

Gently float open your eyes and smile.

輕輕睜開你的眼睛，微笑吧。

Twelve years ago, after Daniel died, I decided to ask his cousin Lia out for dinner in his honor. We had so much to talk about, and I'm happy to tell you that, four years after that, I asked Lia to marry me. She continues to light up my life every day, Lia is my sunshine, and now we have two sons. Our oldest is almost three, and his name is John Daniel, whom we affectionately call J.D., and he's our little disco ball. We also have another son, who is just 12 weeks old now. His name is Casey Christian, and he's our little lighthouse. When people ask Lia if the boys will play football in the NFL someday like their daddy did, she says, "Maybe." But our only wish for them is to truly live a life where they can love and be loved. Thank you very much.

十二年前，在Daniel離世后，出于懷念他，我決定邀請他的表姐Lia出去吃飯。我們聊了非常多，我很開心地告訴大家，四年之后，我向Lia求婚了。她繼續照亮著我每一天的生活。Lia就是我的陽光。現在我們有兩個兒子。大兒子快三歲了，他叫John Daniel，我們親昵地叫他J.D.，他就是我們的小迪斯科燈球。我們的另一個兒子現在剛12周大。他叫Casey Christian，他就是我們的小燈塔。當人們問Lia孩子們以后有一天會像他們的爸爸那樣在NFL打球嗎？她說：“也許吧。”但我們對他們唯一的希望就是去真實地生活，可以去愛和被愛。非常感謝大家。